LONELINESS DIDN'T SEEM TO BE SO LOUD

The introverted solitude seeking loner who craves meaningful connection and community.

Does this sound like you?

What has made you introverted and why are you so afraid to get back out into the world?

Is it the heartache from life, a friend, or a partner that made you so closed off?

If you’re anything like me when Heartache stops by for a visit, I let her in and sit with her for weeks, months. Our conversations are heavy and the light is dim. I often flee to nature, climb to the top of a mountain, sit by a river, and try to escape. It never seems that heavy when you feel so small beside the trees, solitude always seems to be a friend, but when I return Heartache is right where I left her, sitting on the edge of my bed. I don’t always recognize her but the more time I spend, she looks a lot like me.

I’m a firm believer, we change with the seasons. We stretch, grow, isolate and reflect. Not too long ago, I found myself in the middle of winter. The world outside felt chaotic, heavy, and cold with reason to believe other humans could not understand the feelings I hold. I remained a loner and planted the seeds of growth the best I could, my roots stretched deep and wide but on the outside, I remained unseen and sheltered in my own space. Deep down there was always a desire to reconnect with the world but the fear and anxiety stopped me every time.

Throughout the isolating months, I found great comfort in going to yoga classes. Yoga to me is an art form. The sanskrit word for yoga is to yoke, or union. To become one with the mind, body, and spirit. The loneliness didn’t seem to be so loud when I gave myself the opportunity to give my mind space to breathe. Maybe others in the class felt that too. We did all arrive at the same place at the same time therefore in some way, we were all connected. Although a brief synchronicity in time, there's an understanding that we are never alone.

I slowly became aware that the community I was seeking was already surrounding me and the world didn’t have to be so lonely. Not just in yoga but in our daily mundane tasks of life like going to the grocery store. This realization opened my door. Heartache showed up less frequently and old and new friends took her place.

If you are present in your winter, I urge you to find the small ways that make you feel less alone, to reclaim your space in this void. Only you know when you’re ready and when it comes time to get back into the world. The laughter, the embrace from an old friend, and the sunshine will be waiting to greet you.

“The most beautiful part of your body is where it’s headed. And remember, loneliness is still time spent with the world” - Ocean Vuong

Sincerely,
The introverted solitude-seeking loner